Here at Stathakis, most of you are familiar with Ubuntu, our company wide theme that was adopted to help us grow and nurture each individual and our team as a whole. We have touched upon how when we have compassion for each other and treat each other with respect, amazing, transformative things can happen. We have seen it happen. But nurturing good will between people who were perhaps indifferent to each other is one thing. Creating goodwill between arch enemies is an entirely different issue. So what can we do when we have a person in our work life who we are truly at odds with? Somone who is so irritaing or irksome that we begin to see that person as the Lex Luther to our Superman? The reference to Superman here is apt because it takes a superhero-like mentality to face the challenges of a difficult relationship head on.
Set Your Intention
The first thing you can do is decide what you want. Do you want a daily battle of butting heads or do you want harmony and to look forward to coming to work? Setting your intention is almost like prayer or meditation where you take some time to clarify your thoughts and feelings in order to help you connect with people in a calm and thoughtful manner. Think about thoughtfulness for a moment, thoughtfulness to mean with thought. When an “enemy” takes some action that hurts or angers you, if you use feeling to counter it, you would likely end up lashing back creating a never ending battle. When you use thought, you might go through a process that looks a little like this:
“I am so mad at Jim, I can’t believe he did that to me, unbelievable. I am so angry, I feel like going in there right now and telling him off. He deserves it and it will feel really good to let him have it. However good it might feel in the short term, I’m pretty sure Jim would just see it as me overreacting and lash right back at me. I don’t want this kind of conflict, it’s stressful and it just makes me tense and uphappy all day long. Maybe if I think about it, I can come up with a better way to handle this.”
When you think about it, you realize that if you lead with your negative feelings on this, no one wins. If you set your intention as “I want an enjoyable work environment and to get along and look forward to seeing everyone. I want to make Jim an ally rather than an enemy” you will be able to come up with ideas to move things in the right direction.
Be Open to the Universe
Are difficult relationships enjoyable? Certainly not, however, some of our biggest challenges become some of our greatest teachers. What will you learn today?
Give & Take, Tag You’re It!
Remember the super hero skills I mentioned? Someone has to be a leader for positive change so why not let it be you. When you take the first step to repair a tough relationship, see yourself in a big red cape and know that it takes real strength and maturity to get things moving towards resolution.
Show Humility & Respect
Small gestures of kindness, humility and respect can go a long way in giving enemies the space to set down their swords. If someone has been at the job longer than you, acknowledge that. If someone you consider an “enemy” has a good suggestion, tell them. You will be amazed how these gestures signal your willingness to align as allies.
Find a Common Denominator
So maybe your coworker is a blow hard, but you both love the Wolverines. Use this connection as a bridge builder. Have a coworker that loves to gossip talk about the latest reality television disasters instead of coworkers. The truth is there are very few actual arch villains in the world, most people have at least some redeeming qualit, you just may need to look a little closer to find it.
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