Love Your Neighbor Not As Easy As It Sounds

Love thy neighbor is a wonderful idea that runs across many different cultures and faiths. Some call it love thy neighbor, others call it good will toward men, Buddhists call it loving kindness, and your mom just said “be nice.” Although it often goes by somewhat different names, it is essentially the same concept. Here at Stathakis, we embrace this same basic idea as, Appreciation of Individuals, a part of our Core Values. Love and appreciate thy neighbor can be one of those principles that is often easier in principle than it is in practice.

It can be really hard to love, act kindly towards others and appreciate all individuals sometimes. It is all too often easier to focus on what people do wrong rather than on what they do right. People can be selfish, cruel, impatient, curt, irritated, irritating and worse. It is exactly these times that we really must put the ideas of loving kindness and appreciation into play because it is most difficult. Rules or guidelines are there to help us navigate when it is most hard to choose the right path.

The good news is contemporary brain research tells us that when you try to be positive, kind and appreciative towards others, especially when you must work hard to do so, positive things happen with regard to your own physical self. The changes in the brain that can happen when you are as mom says, “being nice,” are remarkable. Your heart rate goes down, stress hormones don’t get triggered and feel good chemicals like oxytocin are released that can leave you feeling calm, connected and closer to the people around you. 

So the next time you find it difficult to love your neighbor, take a moment and remember that when you hold your tongue and watch your temper, when you try to sincerely show appreciation, you benefit as much as the other person does. Still, in order for this appreciation and intention to do the most good, it must be sincere. True compassion, appreciation and kindness must be offered in earnest, so try to think of something, even with people you find difficult, that is real and true. Sometimes a simple thank you to someone is enough to keep things moving in a positive direction.

And what if you don't want to wait for someone to test your patience to reap the feel-good benefits of niceness? The Buddhists have what they call a metta meditation and it can be done by anyone of any faith. In one variation of a metta meditation, you choose a person you have a difficult relationship with, maybe a coworker or family member who gets under your skin. Then you visualize this person in your mind while you say the following things:

1. May you be safe.
2. May you be happy.
3. May you be healthy.
4. May you be at ease in the world.

In doing this brief meditation and framing a difficult person in a more positive light, which by the way you can do anywhere and especially useful for traffic, you put yourself in a positive state of mind and develop a new tolerance for the less than lovable behavior of which so many of us humans are capable.