How many times do you have to ask your kids to do something before it gets done consistently? Has a client resent an email reminding you of something they already asked for? Has your husband or wife ever adamantly insisted, “I already told you we have plans with the Hopkins Friday, remember?” Maybe your kid was watching television when you asked him to clear his dinner plate. Maybe a coworker was asking you a question as you looked over that client email? Perhaps you were checking on that work email you missed the first time when your spouse told you about upcoming dinner plans. Did you know that contrary to popular belief, humans are terrible multitaskers?
I have come to the conclusion that repetitiveness is key in getting one’s message across. When I get frustrated, I try to remember, it's not that people are purposely not listening or tuning me out. I think it has more to do with the many distractions available at to us these days and the amount of work and responsibilities on most of our plates.
Recently in Boston I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Gerald D. Bell give a talk on listening. As a renowned expert on communications, his advice was simple, but yet very effective - PAY ATTENTION. Yes, Dr. Bell talked about how we can only concentrate on one thing at one time. So all those people who think they are getting away with something by texting while trying to carry on a conversation are not really even conversing at all and the person on the other end of that “conversation” can feel it. The occasional head nod is a far cry from being engaged in meaningful conversation.
The one big take-away I got from Dr. Bell's talk was something he calls "The Shakespeare Principle" in listening: "to listen, or not to listen, that is the question". So when we are conversing with someone we need to make a conscious choice to really tune in and give them our 100% attention. Good listening is really just a choice that we have to make and good listeners make for good employees, good partners good managers, good parents and more. I would assert that there is no one ever who didn’t get ahead or achieve their goals because they were too good a listener. Since followings Dr. Bell's principle, I have found myself much more engaged in conversations and less distracted when conversing and it's amazing how much more I am actually hearing.
With all of the distractions in our lives and our inability to listen while multitasking, it's no wonder it becomes necessary to repeat ourselves to truly get an important message across. Imagine how frustrated today's teachers must feel when they are trying to compete for attention with the iPhone, Facebook, and InstaGram. There is a new app called SnapChat that is popular among younger people today that allows one to take a picture on their phone and send it to someone where it will last 1 to 10 seconds which is about the attention span of the modern mind. Good communication is an ongoing, nonstop, continuous process that many times requires follow-through in getting across what is important to us. So here are a few quick tips in getting your message across:
1. Communication is a two way street.
Steven Covey's Fifth Habit is to "Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood." So in order to get your message across, you first must understand your audience, relate to them and understand how they relate to you and your message.
2. Practice "The Shakespeare Principle."
Give 100% of your attention to whomever you are conversing with. They will pick-up on the attention you are giving them and reciprocate giving you a better chance of having your message heard.
3. Be clear and don't be afraid to repeat yourself.
Did I just say "don't be afraid to repeat yourself?" So I guess you are getting my drift. However, the first rule of repeating yourself is to make sure whatever you are saying is worth repeating.
Getting your message across is much easier when you have an engaged audience. So give a little more attention to the people you are trying to engage and it is much more likely they will return it in kind.
Leave a Reply